Rejoice, Montenegro, you have your own Willy Brandt, a representative who’d spent half of his political hagiography kneeling in monasteries, pecking at wheat on cementary marble, bravely surfing the wave of church protests, riding on the teak board which was blessed in the Ostrog monastery, where, by the way, the new government was fitted in.

Brano Mandic

Montenegro is rejoicing these days – we have welcomed a political elite who will not only think of the voters in this Earthly world. We’ve got new members, spearheaded by representative Zdravko Krivokapic, who promises agile reform even in the afterlife.

Long gone is the time of campaigning from election to election – we finally have a serious man for all of eternity, someone courageous enough to grip the communion spoon in the middle of a pandemic and invite citizens to share the biological risks with him, all so he can fulfill the second part of his economic plan – the Kingdom of Heaven

 

Poor Zdravko Krivokapic is not a party persona, so no one really minds that the Church is enabling his logistics, meaning – sound system, wine, bread, basic necessities, so the virus can be offered a decent number of voters. The church did so much more, sacrifising their archbishop, all so that the people would gather in union. Archbishop Amfilohije’s funeral – now that was a stage worthy of grand gestures, so Krivokapic flipped the sixes to the demon of the new world order and shared his spoon with the flock.

 

The representative called his future Ministers apostles, obviously as no one is interested in the material any more, and because eternal glory is what the new, democratic Montenegro is really about. March bravely into death, the representative said, your names are already on the Crisis Committee lists, and your fever, followed by pneumonia, won’t take too much of your grandfather and uncle’s time – they’re going to a better place. Plus, they’re really helping relieve the burden of our earthly budget and medicine supplies. By migrating a portion of the population into the other world, under the managerial eye of the state and church, there is some sort of redistribution of resource and capital taking place. A collective regrouping, not unlike deagrarisation. The difference is, this time the host isn’t leaving his farmland and goats, but peacefully crossing the river Stix, and registering in the Council of the eternal tomorrow.

 

Rejoice, Montenegro, you have your own Willy Brandt, a representative who’d spent half of his political hagiography kneeling in monasteries, pecking at wheat on cementary marble, bravely surfing the wave of church protests, riding on the teak board which was blessed in the Ostrog monastery, where, by the way, the new government was fitted in.

 

Who needs politicians who use you until you die and then never think of you again? The Executive Government should provide our livelihoods after we’ve given ourselves to the eternal truth. Krivokapic was the first one to understand this, offering a clear, yet orthodox plan.

 

And so, Covid went from being a crisis to becoming an opportunity. Monastery pear trees in Piperi blossomed twice, a few vines on the coast cried with joy, and a little school boy in Kosmet dreamt of Saint Pantufije explaining to the Minister of Finance that the MMF agreement must be signed, even at the cost of making the apostolic government less favourable among the people.

 

The reforms will be painful, but neccessary, and god-willing. Don’t forget, tortured reader, that no one has yet avoided taxes and death, the two central stocks of every stable country. Amen!

 

 

Brano Mandic, writer and journalist, one of the most read authors in Montenegro. Satirical columns in the Vijesti journal have brought his work to a larger audience. As of recently he is creating and hosting the radio show ‘Ziznula’ on Student Radio Krs in Podgorica.