Mito i korupcijo[1]

Rather than be ashamed of it, we accept corruption as part of ourselves, something we live with from our first until our very last day. Something like dandruff. Or nose hair. Or an STD. Not the most pleasant, but ours to the core.

 

Zoran Kesic

 

The wonderful folk song ‘Mito bekrijo’ has once upon a time brought fame to Vasilija Radojcic. On the other hand, my ‘cover’ of this song, titled ‘Mito i Korupcijo’ has not brought fame to anyone – quite the opposite. When I sing this song on occasion, it’s never a great look, and the audience would often offer money, goods, and services for me to stop singing and continue the non-singing part of the program. I find it amusing and overall symbolic that I’m being offered a bribe (a mito) in order to stop singing ‘Mito I korupcijo’:
‘You promised you’d bring me a bribe,

Hide it well,

Hey, let me take at least 200,

And I’ll have your back…’

 

In the original song, the girl is spending sleepless nights waiting for her beloved Mita, otherwise a drunkard and definitely a local bar denizen, to return from his preferred hospitality venue. The poor girl is even ‘waiting to open the door for him’.

 

Well, she’ll be waiting for a while as she naively believes in the triumph of love, hoping for a happy ending, instead of taking matters into her own hands; instead of taking (those matters) and putting them in an inconspicuous envelope, and putting that envelope in another’s hands – hands that could give the whole happy end situation a little push, and give Mito a little push towards his beloved.

 

Options are plentiful.

She can, for example, influence the bar owner and have him ban Mita from the premises, or even put pressure on the local law enforcement officers, have them charge the drunken and disorderly customer. Even the Esteemed Mr Judge will have some common interest in having Mita as far away from the bar as possible.
You want Mita? It’s a mito mission, sister!

Bribery, corruption, conflict of interest… these are all terms which have formed an inherent part of our life, society, and even our heritage, tradition, way of life… Bribery and corruption are what brings our neighbouring peoples together.

Serbs, Croats, Macedonians, Albanians, Bosniaks… We all have corruption in our DNA, it’s almost ethnic. So much so, we might as well casually dress it in a national costume, give it a giant accordion, and send it to the Eurovision Song Contest.

 

Every government is committed to promising a ‘firm fight against corruption’, but this losing fight only leads to more corruption.

Because you not only have to bribe people to get something done, you have to ‘grease the palms’ of the anti-corruption warriors so they don’t stop the corruption of those you are corrupting.

Clearly, this governmental determination to prevent corruption is equal to my wife’s (and every other woman’s) determination – ‘put that chocolate away, I’ll never have anything sweet again… ok fine maybe just a little bit’

 

So let’s not pretend and kid ourselves – I propose we (countries in the region) become the first countries in the world to formalise corruption.
Rather than be ashamed of it, we accept corruption as part of ourselves, something we live with from our first until our very last day. Something like dandruff. Or nose hair. Or an STD. Not the most pleasant, but ours to the core.

So, I propose to make it official!
Legalize it!

Just like medicinal marijuana, we start with corruption within the healthcare systems. We really ought to know who the hospital beds and ventilators are really available to, especially during a pandemic.

Then, we move on to the jurisdiction. We should know the exact price point of wanting to protest against a democratically elected regime (expensive), as well as the price point for a situation where, for example, the son of a media tycoon causes a traffic accident with a deadly outcome (can be sorted).

On to education – let’s stop future ministers from plagiarizing doctorates and diplomas by putting a price tag on these titles.

 

Not to toot my own horn, but I’d like to offer my little cover to be the soundtrack for the promotional video for the Legalize corruption campaign. If there is some sort of open call for the author and performer, please let me know of the deciding Committee members in due course, so I can prepare modest gifts (from the heart), which could heavily influence their decision.

This is the chorus (close your ears!):
‘Mito I korupcijo,

Health, law, and education,
Give me a side eye and your euros,

Mito I korupcijo’

 

 

[1] Meaning – Bribery and corruption. A reference to a well-known folk song. In it, Mito is a name that the woman is calling out in the song. It is also a word for bribery (will be used interchangeably in the text)