My dream is that there be more of us and that our kids grow up right here, in a country with good and dear neighbors, who also sent their fake patriots to some far-away place.

Zoran Kesic

For decades they have been trying to make me disgusted at Serbia, our flag, and our anthem.

They committed atrocities in my name, and the fact that ‘others did it as well’ does not change anything.

Clean up your own backyard first!

They have appropriated the right to put on our flag, to wrap their disgusting hairy asses in a tricolour, and even when they start shitting and peeing on the flag, to a bystander it is a picture of a great patriot who adores his national symbols, and not a jerk who actually shits on them.

They also took my Cyrillic alphabet away.

Abominations in Cyrillic, lies in Cyrillic, superficiality, ignorance, vanity and illiteracy, all in Cyrillic.

You answer in Latin – you are a traitor.

You answer with literacy, respecting the rules of grammar, and with love for the language you speak, while well-meaningly pointing out spelling mistakes unworthy even of a third grade student; if you answer in Latin – you are a traitor, plus conceited, and who do you think you are, Ivo Andric?

You are also a traitor if you:

  • criticise our criminals (‘they’re not criminals, they’re heroes’)
  • criticise our governmental representatives (‘whoever they are, they are Ours, and I don’t see Croats and Bosniaks criticising theirs’)
  • criticise statements by religious dignitaries (‘traitor / satanist’)
  • get vaccinated (‘traitor / sold out to Vucic / satanist’)
  • host a guest on your show who isn’t a Serb (‘sold out your faith’)
  • don’t hate all Croats and Albanians, but selectively hate only Croatian and Albanian bastards who deserve it (‘why don’t you go there if you like them so much’)
  • don’t mind the LGBT population (‘you’ve been paid by Soros to say that, you must hate gays in private but take a fee to pretend you’re ok with them’)
  • don’t see your people as sinless, and don’t think everyone else is a piece of shit (‘auto-chauvinist, can’t believe these people call themselves Serbs’)

Serbia and Serbs have become an alibi for the perfidious. I reckon you could go rob a bank hidden behind a mask in the colours of the flag, and Mr Policeman couldn’t stop you because he’d risk being publicly shamed as a traitor.

Or you intend to kill an adversary from the other criminal / football fan /  drug dealing clan, and you are caught encouraging your colleague / your brother over the phone: ‘God is on our side, we lit the candles in Church bruh, there’s no way this won’t work bruh’ (Paraphrasing and exaggerating here, but I’ve personally heard a video tape only slightly less horrifying).

And if you dare notice that those who are farthest from Church and God himself are most often the ones calling upon God and the Church – ‘ah, this guy again, spitting on sanctities’.

And our beautiful Church would never distance itself from the bad guys calling upon it. It doesn’t hate the monastery tattoos across backs and saints painted on the biceps of some dangerous dudes; the kind priest can’t see the golden cross hanging off a rear view mirror of an expensive car paid for in blood money, and he doesn’t mind we provide medical treatment for children with SMS donations, while the Church is free of taxation.

You are a traitor if you remind people of that fact.

They’re trying to make me disgusted at religion too.

The exclusive right to be great patriots, men of faith and great Serbs is reserved for the worst, most lying among us – tabloid editors for example.

So you get your Easter egg stickers as an addition to the newspaper on the holiday – you’ve got Tesla, Pupin, Vuk Karadzic, King Dusan, Prince Lazar, Karadjordje, Vucic, Dacic, Patriarch Pavle, Putin, Milos Obilic, Dr. Nestorovic…

Patron saint days also have images of Saints on tabloid front covers, but the fact that the Saint is touching a semi-nude, booby reality show participant on the cover isn’t considered blasphemy, anti-Serbianism, treacherousness and satanism.

The record holders for front-cover fake news, therefore proven liars, are the greatest Serbs among us, and are closest to God (and boobs).

And then there I am, happily and quite often attending church service with my children, explaining to them who’s in there (no, not Santa Clause), why we need to talk quietly (God may be asleep), why we should cross when we come in and out (home rules) – I am the hater of the Church.

And the woman with a kind smile, happy to see young children in Church quietly telling me ‘well done’, is a fool and sold out soul. And the fact that I handwrite and sign my name only in Cyrillic, that I love my language and therefore hate to see poor grammar, doesn’t change the fact that an illiterate idiot can cover himself in our flag and be a patriot, while I remain a foreign mercenary.

We’ll take the flag back, you liars!

You dirty it with your lack of morals, stupidity and corruption.

It’s too beautiful of a flag to leave it in your hands.

I’m not sure how, but we’ll take Cyrillic back too!

It’s too precious and perfect to be overused by some who can’t even write.

We will also permanently take Serbia away from you, and you will be free to pride yourselves in an imaginary country, Tungusia, until you dirty it up as well.  Patriotism to me is an attempt, even if futile, to help make your country good enough for your children to wish to stay in it one day – and if you children want to, some other children will too. My dream is that there be more of us and that our kids grow up right here, in a country with good and dear neighbors, who also sent their fake patriots to some far-away place.

And I want my flag back!